Friday, August 17, 2012

Hiatus over

It's been a long, sticky, unnerving.  It unfolded too fast, after a very unsettling spring.
A series of events clouded my thinking, took my breath away and forced me to look at one day at a time; let go of the mundane issues of the day. 

When someone you love dies, there's no quick fix for the pain.  The days, though, have to be played out whether it's fair weather or not.

Details are too excruciating to explain the loss and how the hot summer affected the core of the sorrow.  The trail of death goes beyond one heart.  It causes a fracture amongst many.  In ninety-five degrees, we stumbled around the edges, the reality of it and attempted to disguise the what ifs.  If you had, if she had, if we had, if......

And now it's August.  As the eight month draws to an end, the leaves of the birch trees lose their emerald green glow and forest fronds begin to curl and turn brown.  I don't have to look at the calendar to know summer is almost over. Although plans are being made on how to deal with the winter, the truth is spring will hold the answer as to how well we've adjusted to the absence of one heart.  I've warmed a little to the notion that spring can come and it can be good. 

But before I leap that far, I have to finish summer, embrace the decline of it, turn on a light as the days grow shorter, shore up a few logs in preparation for the reality of a deep frost, the snow and ice.  And I will, short stories and send Moon Shadow, my latest novel, off to market.

Moon Shadow is about a young woman who marries the man of her dreams.  Her spring heart is full of love and grandiose plans for the future.  But the weather changes quickly and his winter comes before her wedding flowers wilt.  Will she adjust to the disappointment, the uncertainty?  Can she hide behind work, the community?  She's the preacher's wife and must carry out her duties.  Intimacy, fulfillment, happiness at her fingertips; is it too much to ask?  Soon she learns it takes more than the passing of time to find inner peace.  Moon Shadow isn't over until the season of hope returns.

So I grasp the future once more, the change of season, ready to get lost in my work.  Fall is like a warm scarf for the soul.  It wraps around you in a variety of color, aromas, sounds.  It makes you think about winter, reminds you to prepare for the unexpected.  With autumn's cool wind at your back, you have to move on.  You're stronger, ready to embrace what unfolds.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Winter Day...Disappointing or Not?.

When it's sunny, a mood can change for the better.
I feel so good with a sunny, blue sky. It even makes me optimistic
about the economy.
Even a disappointing book seems better than when I finished it last night.

The King of the Badgers.

What started out as a mystery about a little girl's disappearance turned into one big sexual party. A homosexual party, at that. No, don't call me a homophobe, prejuidice or too stupid to understand about sexual liberty.
If the book had been about heterosexuals and their love fests, I would have been as equally disinterested. Remember it started with the young girl's disappearance.

I wasn't prepared for the ongoing (inter)course of the story. From start to finish, the multiple love fests had no relevance. In my limited and humble opinion, I think homos or heteros would not want to be characterized by this kind of story telling.

But in the light of day---something clicked: I got it. I got the essence of the book. The protagonist was actually the quaint town where all these prolific lovers, non-lovers and bad people lived. Sort of a hum-drum town with a lot of superficial inhabitants with little else to do...but carry on with one fiesty, furious, fest after another.

In that sense, it was a marvelous book.

But I'd never want to live where The King of the Badgers reign.
I don't particularly like people talking about their sex life. Homo or Hetero. Seems like it takes all the mystery, romance, wonder, fun out of the experience. And shouldn't the act itself be something magnificant? Something more than a cluster f...well, you know where that goes....

The King of the Badger...don't check it out. Or do...if you want to read something that is well written, something that is unique, something that proves a book can be published and bought by many whether the subject matter is worthy or not. Don't buy it...borrow from a friend or from someone who mistakenly purchased it and now wants to prove a point. Some bad books get published. People shouldn't make a lot of money off of them.
If I'm wrong, post me a note....

Friday, January 20, 2012

Snowy Day....Winter Blues?

People complain about the weather. Rain, snow, hot, cold, too dry, too wet...too tooo. I really don't care about the weather. In that, as soon as someone starts talking about it, I tune out. In my mind, weather is exactly what it's suppose to be. That is, it's always changing, sometimes perfect, not always for the good, not a death sentence either, it just is what it is.

When I was young, I watched how older people reacted to the weather. Couldn't figure out what all the concern and drama was about. Visitors to my parent's house, either neighbors or relatives, would sit around the table and talk 'weather'. We seldom had visitors so I was struck by the change in our household. My parents became talkative, outgoing people, involved in the conversation as much as the worried aunt or the grumpy neighbor. My parents seemed so polite and polished compared to the somewhat sterner behavior they exhibited while dealing with eight kids and not a lot of variety in their life. Except the weather and the occasional visitor. I'd watch, listen and soon start fidgeting. As the 'oh my gods' about the pending winter storm, the summer heat, the threat of a tornado increased in intensity, I'd fidget, squirm and twiddle as though a mouse had found a piece of cheese in my jeans.

One time a tornado had every one in a near fit. Oklahoma experienced a big blow-out over a small remote town and Cousin Tom was sure it could come our way. (We lived in the north--hundreds of miles from that fierce, dry windy area. I wondered if it would reach us and what it would look like. Now that would be something to talk about.) I'd got so fidgety during those duanting times that my mother would give me the 'eye'. Yet even her stern look couldn't make me settle down.

I wanted to run outside, escape the duldrums, get into the weather, feel it, smell it, taste the rain drops on my tongue, run my fingers through the snow. Make a snowman or build a pile of leaves so high, I couldn't be found when I dived into them. My attitude hasn't changed too much and the weather certainly hasn't gone dormant, either.

So it's snowing today. The sky is a deep blue/gray. The sun peaking out now and then and the temperature at a level that makes the roof of your mouth cold if you leave it open too long. Winter is like biting into an ice cream cone and getting brain burn. Once you get past the brain and savor the flavor of the smooth cream, you're in heaven. Yes, winter bites at the core of you...but it is so lovely.

I seldom see a cardinal in the summer because there are so many colorful sights to take in. Daffodils, dandelions, corn stalks, falling leaves. But in the winter, a cardinal stands out like...well, a bright red cardinal. It chirps and flits around like it's on a warm, balmy vacation. Lovely.

I've planned a drive into the city tomorrow. A weekend get-away. Several inches of the white stuff has fallen, more expected; winter storm warmings and cautions on the news. I'm fidgeting. Have my boots at the door, an extra pair of gloves in my furry jacket pocket. I turned off the TV when the weather came on again. It reminded me of those days not so long ago when my mother would give me that 'eye'. The relatives all in a buzz like someone had disturbed their beehive.

Stop fidgeting? No, I'm going outside. Gotta taste that snowflake on my tongue, gotta build a snowman, kick the snow and ice off the underside of the car, will watch the other drivers on the road, clutching their steering wheels, oh my god. It's winter...and I'm fidgeting. Gotta get out there.